Episode Guide - Season Three

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Season 2

Season 4

Season 5

Season 3
1967- 1968

Copyright 1995-2008 Carl Birkmeyer
No portions of this episode guide can be reproduced without my explicit, written permission.

  The Spy Who Met Himself
Airdate: Saturday, Sept. 16, 1967, 8:30 PM
Writers: Phil Leslie and Keith Fowler
Director: Gary Nelson
Carl's Rating: ***

The KAOS League of Imposters is at work (KAOS sure does have a lot of impersonators) trying to take over CONTROL. They have an exact duplicate of Max who infiltrates CONTROL when Siegfried captures the real Max. The real Max manages to escape from KAOS and meets the fake Max, but the Chief is unable to determine who is the real Max. He's forced to implement Emergency Identification Procedure 6A, which involves Max answering questions, ala To Tell The Truth.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* Max uses a gas mask hidden in his shoe.

Characters:
* Larabee makes a brief appearance outside of the Chief's office.
* Agent 13 is hidden in an airport locker in his final appearance.
* Aunt Rose can be seen walking on the street (as opposed to being a streetwalker).

Catchphrases:
*  Max runs into "the old double agent with the two faces in the twin lockers trick."
* "Sorry about that Chief" appears twice.

 

  Viva Smart
Airdate: Saturday, Sept. 23, 1967
Writers: Bill Idelson, Sam Bobrick, and Norman Paul
Director: James Komack
Carl's Rating: **1/2

San Saludos' dictator, General Pajarito, has imprisoned ex-president Don Carlos. CONTROL sends Max and 99 to restore Don Carlos to power and rescue his beautiful daughter from having to marry the general. Max and 99 disguise themselves as flamenco dancers Conchita and Conchata and do an interesting dance that reveals them to be CONTROL Agents, not dancers. They get thrown into jail, where guest-star guard Joey Bishop attempts to bribe the firing squad.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* This is the first of many episodes directed by James Komack, who also was Norman in The Courtship of Eddie's Father. Komack also was the guiding force behind Welcome Back Kotter and several other sitcoms.
* It's a parody of the Marlon Brando movie, Viva Zapata!

Characters:
* This episode is missing Ed Platt, who was having back trouble and was forced to miss several shows.
* Joey Bishop has a cameo as a guard.

Catchphrases:
* This episode marks the debut of "I asked you not to tell me that."

  Witness for the Persecution
Airdate: Saturday, Oct. 7, 1967, 8:30 PM
Writers: Sam Bobrick and Bill Idelson
Director: James Komack
Carl's Rating: ***

Max chases and catches Elwood Tudberry, a vicious KAOS assassin. Tudberry orders an all-out KAOS effort to "Get Smart" before Max can testify against him in two weeks. Max's apartment gets a whole new array of protective devices to keep him safe, but they end up destroying his apartment, along with several KAOS agents. Max is then forced to move in with CONTROL's Dr. Bascomb, who lives across the street from the courthouse. To reach the courthouse, Max must run a gauntlet of KAOS agents and survive a possible gollywoggle attack at night.

Characters:
* This is another episode without Ed Platt, who was having back trouble. It's a shame because it's obvious that a lot of Bascomb's lines were clearly meant for the Chief. I think if Platt had been able to do this episode, it would be considered one of the show's best episodes.

 Catchphrases:
* "I asked you not to tell me that."
* "Would you believe..." is used by Max, but it isn't the typical three-stage version.

 

  The Spirit is Willing
Airdate: Saturday, Oct. 14, 1967, 8:30 PM
Writer: Arne Sultan
Director: Norman Abbott
Carl's Rating: **1/2

Max's new informer, Ann Ferris, promises to deliver evidence implicating Paul John Mondebello, a top KAOS leader. When Max goes to meet Ann Ferris, he discovers that she was murdered by Mondebello years earlier. Max must attend a sťance in order to get evidence from Ann Ferris' ghost and convict Mondebello. This has Max's classic line when introduced to the medium, "she looks more like a large to me."

Characters:
* Len Lesser makes another appearance in this episode. Over 30 years later he would attain fame as Uncle Leo on Seinfeld. The actress playing Ann Ferris slips up and calls his character "Les" in one scene.
* This episode is missing Ed Platt, who was having back trouble and was forced to miss several shows.

Catchphrases:
* "Sorry about that" is uttered three times.

 

  Maxwell Smart, Private Eye
Airdate: Saturday, Oct. 21, 1967, 8:30 PM
Writer: Elroy Schwartz
Director: Bruce Bilson
Carl's Rating: ***1/2

Max is assigned to protect Trinka Markoff, a foreign diplomat. However, CONTROL cutbacks force Max and 99 to find second jobs, since they now only work for CONTROL from eight until noon. Max sets up shop as a private eye and immediately hires 99 as his secretary. As soon as he becomes a private eye, Max starts to talk like Humphrey Bogart. When a Mrs. Weatherley also tries to hire Max, it becomes apparent that the Maltese Falcon spoof has begun! After getting rid of Mrs. Weatherley, Max is hired by Mr. Sidney and Mr. Peter, two caricatures of Sidney Greenstreet and Peter Lorre, to protect Trinka. Unbeknownst to Max but knownst to us, Mr. Sidney and Mr. Peter are KAOS agents who are planning to kill Trinka.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* Bruce Bilson won an well-deserved Emmy Award for directing for this episode. It's a brilliantly stylized parody of the Bogart classic.
* This episode title has been mixed up several times, mostly called "Maxwell Smart, Private Spy" by mistake. The correct title, and the one on the Emmy Award, is "Maxwell Smart, Private Eye."
* This has the famous airport voiceover, "Buck Henry, please pick up your poodle at the baggage counter."
* CONTROL's address is given as "W Street at the corner of 34th."

Characters:
* Buddy Hackett plays Wilbur, a nearly blind KAOS assassin.
* Gordon Jump, who earlier played the Chief's assistant Hobson, plays a passenger in the cab with Max.
* Larabee has an on-screen appearance after being accidentally shot by Max off-screen.

 Catchphrases:
* "Sorry about that" is uttered three times.
* "The old gun in the camera trick."
* "The old Wilbur in the drapes trick."
* "Missed it by that much."

  Supersonic Boom
Airdate: Saturday, Oct. 28, 1967, 8:30 PM
Writers: Ben Joelson and Art Baer
Director: James Komack
Carl's Rating: **

After attacking CONTROL headquarters with a sonic boom, KAOS threatens to use their sonic boom machine to destroy New York City. Max tracks the KAOS plotters to a car wash, but he and 99 get captured when they take Max's convertible into the car wash. KAOS then attempts to convince them that they are in Buenos Aires, but Max and 99 escape and discover that they're still in Washington. While 99 gets help, Max raids the car wash to stop the sonic boom attack.

Characters:
* Famed stage actor Farley Granger appears as Billet, a KAOS agent and TV announcer.
* Don Adams' good friend and writing partner Bill Dana appears as a man on the street stopped by Max.

  Catchphrases:
* "The old hideout under the car wash trick."
* "I asked you not to tell me that."
 

  One of Our Olives is Missing
Airdate: Saturday, Nov. 4, 1967, 8:30 PM
Writer: Jess Oppenheimer
Director: Jess Oppenheimer
Carl's Rating: ****

Carol Burnett guest-stars as country singer Ozark Annie. Annie accidentally swallows a KAOS radio receiver disguised as an olive. KAOS is using the olive to receive a top secret formula from Dr. Popovich and Max must protect Annie and the olive from Siegfried and Shtarker before they cut the olive out of her stomach. To complicate matters, Annie develops a crush on Max. Despite his best efforts, Annie is kidnapped by Siegfried. Max, knowing Siegfried's love of food, tracks down his hideout in a hotel room and manages to rescue Annie. Burnett is brilliant and her scenes with Adams are some of the funniest bits of the series.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* Jess Oppenheimer is considered one of the founders of TV situation comedies, having created, produced and directed I Love Lucy.
* We discover Siegfried loves a meal of knockwurst, bratwurst, liverwurst, fried sauerkraut, and a prune Danish.

Characters:
* Aunt Rose can be seen sitting at a table in the restaurant in the opening scene.
* Producer Burt Nodella appears as a KAOS doctor in this episode. He's credited as Cary Nodella, as Cary is the name of his daughter.

  Catchphrases:
* "I asked you not to tell me that."
* "Sorry about that puddin." - said by Ozark Annie to Max. Thanks to alert fan Mister Ht for pointing that out.

 

  When Good Fellows Get Together
Airdate: Saturday, Nov. 18, 1967, 8:30 PM
Writer: C.F. L'Amoreaux
Director: Sidney Miller
Carl's Rating: **
 

KAOS, tired of Hymie foiling their plots, has Dr. Ratton design Groppo, an indestructible killer robot. Groppo's sole purpose for being is to destroy Hymie, who is no match for Groppo's more advanced features. Dr. Harris upgrades Hymie, but he will need time to get used to his new abilities, so Max, 42, and Dr. Harris take Hymie to a ghost town for workouts. They then realize that the only way Hymie can defeat Groppo is to be reprogrammed for evil, but Hymie refuses and runs away. Max is then forced to fight Groppo alone. Hymie sees Max fighting in his stead and he returns, realizing that Max is his true friend and he must protect Max.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* We learn that Hymie's friends at the office are Shirley the intercom, Sid the coffee machine, Trudy the noiseless typewriter, and Rex the elevator.

Characters:
* Neither 99 or the Chief are in this episode, making it one of the series' oddest. 42 replaces the Chief and again, the steadying, comedic influence of Ed Platt is sorely missed in this episode.
* Max talks to Agent 13 on the phone, but we don't see or hear him, so it doesn't count as an appearance.
* Bob Karvelas plays a lab assistant, but he is credited as Larabee, so perhaps Larabee was temporarily transferred.
 

  Catchphrases:
* "Sorry about that." - 2 uses

 

  Dr. Yes
Airdate: Saturday, Nov. 25, 1967, 8:30 PM
Writers: William Raynor and Myles Wilder
Director: James Komack
Carl's Rating: ***
 

Is this a funny episode? Yes. Jawhol. Oui. Da. Si. Dr. Yes is sabotaging missile launches for KAOS (any resemblance to James Bond's Dr. No is quite intentional). Max and 99 disguise themselves as fun-loving vacationers and go to Lost Lake to track down Dr. Yes. They escape death in a trailer with collapsing walls and discover Dr. Yes' hideout in the lake. Using CONTROL's electronic mosquito, Max and 99 defeat Dr. Yes.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* As the title suggests, this is a parody of the James Bond film, Dr. No.

Characters:
* Wally Cox has a cameo as a television repairman in the opening scene.

  Catchphrases:
* "I asked you not to tell me that." - 2 uses
* "The old tiny tape recorder in the trailer trick."

 

  That Old Gang of Mine
Airdate: Saturday, Dec. 2, 1967, 8:30 PM
Writers: Phil Hahn and Jack Hanrahan
Director: James Komak
Carl's Rating: ***

The Chief, Max and 99 journey to London in a fog-filled episode. The Chief is there to discover a KAOS leak in British CONTROL, while Max is to take the place of The Scar, a U.S. safecracker. The Scar is being recruited by the Scorpion Gang in a bid to rob the royal jewels. Under the Umbrella of Silence, British CONTROL reveals that not only will Max need to capture the Scorpion Gang, but he must discover the identity of X, the real leader of the gang and  KAOS agent. Max helps the gang take the jewels and discovers that all is not what it seems in British CONTROL. The entire robbery sequence in this episode is hysterical.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* For some reason, the line "You are a cool one Herr Scar" has stuck in my brain ever since I first saw this episode 35 years ago.

Characters:
* Danny Thomas has a cameo in this episode as a native Londoner asked for directions. To honor him, Don Adams does a beautiful spit take later in the episode.

  Catchphrases:
* "I asked you not to tell me that."
* "The old gun in the flashlight trick."

 

  The Mild Ones
Airdate: Saturday, Dec. 9, 1967, 8:30 PM
Writers: William Raynor and Myles Wilder
Director: Gary Nelson
Carl's Rating: **

A gang of hippie motorcycle bandits, The Purple Knights, kidnap a foreign prime minister. Though hippies, gang members speak in Olde English and attempt to be polite. While tossing the prime minister's aide out of a moving car, they tell him to "Fare Thee Well" and "Get Ye Lost!" Max and 99 become "Wheels" and "Legs" and join the gang. As part of their initiation, Max must win a jousting contest with Brute, the gang's leader. He defeats Brute and further enrages Brute by hitting on his girlfriend, Doll Baby. When their cover is blown, it is Doll Baby who saves Max from being drawn and quartered.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* This is a parody of Marlon Brando's film, The Wild One.
* We learn that Max plays on CONTROL's bowling team.
* It is revealed that Max and 99 worked together on a case in St. Louis in 1962.
* A clothing store in Australia named itself after Max and 99 in this episode.

Characters:
* Larabee has an appearance.
* Steve Allen has a cameo as the prime minister's aide.

  Catchphrases:
* "I asked you not to tell me that."

 

  Classification:Dead
Airdate: Saturday, Dec. 23, 1967, 8:30 PM
Writers: Dave Ketchum and Bruce Shelly
Director: Norman Abbott
Carl's Rating: ***

Max gets poisoned by a female KAOS agent and is doomed to die at one o'clock the next day. Dr. Steele, CONTROL's head toxicologist and stripper, tells Max that it may take up to six months to come up with an antidote and gives him a classification of dead. 99 convinces Max to make his last hours useful and destroy his killer. 86 then goes on a search for Mr. Hercules, the KAOS agent who ordered the poisoning. It turns out that Hercules is a health nut who runs a gym and is a big fan of farkleberry juice.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* One of the doctors Max visits is Dr. Abbott Norman, obviously named after the episode's director.
* Dave Ketchum, our own Agent 13, wrote this episode.
* Mr. Hercules is played by John Fielder, who played numerous wimps over the years, as well as Mr. Peterson on The Bob Newhart Show.
* 9 out of 10 doctors who get poisoned go to Dr. Steele.

Characters:
* Larabee appears with the Chief in the lab.
* Dr. Steele makes her first appearance.

  Catchphrases:
* "I asked you not to tell me that."

 

  The Mysterious Dr. T
Airdate: Saturday, Dec. 30, 1967, 8:30 PM
Writers: William Raynor and Myles Wilder
Director: Gary Nelson
Carl's Rating: **

Max is guarding Professor Longnecker, CONTROL's top inventor, when Max accidentally gives him poison coffee from KAOS. As he's dying, Longnecker confesses that he was just a front for Dr. T, the real genius. When Max and 99 try to locate Dr. T in a Chinese restaurant, they are captured by Siegfried. When Dr. T doesn't show, Siegfried lets them go, but follows them to try and locate Dr. T. They then strike a deal, both sides will present their case to Dr. T, who will choose for whom he wants to work. Dr. T chooses CONTROL because 99's "a knockout," something we can all agree on!

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* Siegfried identifies himself as "Count Siegfried, Vice President in Charge of Treason."

Characters:
* Thanks to Michael N. for pointing out that Peter Robbins, who played Dr. T, also was the voice of Charlie Brown in several specials.
* Ed Platt does not appear in this episode, but you hear his voice through an intercom.

  Catchphrases:
* "Would you believe..." - not the full gag, just the line.
* "The old microphone in the squeegee trick."

 

  The King Lives
Airdate: Saturday, Jan. 6, 1968, 8:30 PM
Writers: Gloria Burton and Don Adams
Director: Gary Nelson
Carl's Rating: ***

Max travels to Coronia to protect the King of Coronia from the King's evil half-brother Basil (Evil half-brothers are always named Basil). The king turns out to be an exact double of Max, except the king has a moustache. When Basil's henchmen shoot the king, Max takes his place to prevent Basil from ascending to the throne. Unfortunately, Basil discovers the impersonation and kidnaps 99, forcing Max into a swordfight to save the fair damsel. Don Adams proved to be a fine writer and swordsman with this episode.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* Gloria Burton is Don Adams' sister.
* This episode, along with To Sire With Love, is one of Don's favorites.
* Don Adams was a huge fan of Ronald Coleman and this episode is a parody of Coleman's The Prisoner of Zenda.
* The names of the villains in this episode take it up a half point, as I love when Max faces Henrick of Holtzbrau, Krukoff of Klutzenhaggen, and Otto of Oberfurstengoggle.

Characters:
* Johnny Carson has a cameo as a herald in the Coronian court.
 

  Catchphrases:
* "And loving it!"
* "I asked you not to tell me that."

 

The Groovy Guru
Airdate: Saturday, January 13, 1968, 8:30 PM
Writers: Norman Paul and Burt Nodella
Director: James Komack
Carl's Rating: ***

Many of the country's teenagers are dancing constantly, under the spell of the Groovy Guru, who is helping KAOS take over the country via its teenagers. The CONTROL agents who are sent after the Guru end up dancing under his spell also. Max and 99 head into the Guru's meditation palace to stop the Guru, armed with a lie pill in case of capture. They discover that the Guru plans to incite the nation's youth to riot and destroy all government institutions. The Guru will accomplish this by broadcasting a special song (sung by the Sacred Cows) during his live broadcast, unless CONTROL can stop him.

  Catchphrases:
* "The old bug in the rug trick."
* "I asked you not to tell me that." - 2 times, sort of. For the second time, 99 says to Max, "you asked me not to tell you that."

Characters:
* Dr. Steele makes her second appearance.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* The Sacred Cows are not a real group, they were just a creation of the writers for this episode. It was also not a song from an album, it was written just for this episode. For more information about the song (and details on the session musicians) and lots of great pictures, check out Pete's site.
* Larry Storch appears as The Groovy Guru. Storch told me that he modeled the voice of the Guru after a famous French actor, whose name completely escapes me.
* The bit with Max, the lie pill, and the cabbie is one of my favorite scenes.
* TV Guide voted this episode one of the 100 best TV episodes of all time. I consider this Get Smart's most over-rated episode. The novelty of the Sacred Cows seems to stick in everybody's minds to give this a great rating, but there are numerous episodes much funnier.
* Due to the many requests I get, here are the lyrics sung by The Sacred Cows.

The Sacred Cows


Photo Courtesy Larry Storch

 

Thrill, thrill, thrill
Kill, kill, kill
Make the scene,
Knock off a Dean.
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Bump off a square.
That's what it's all about.
Hate is in,
Love is out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah

These are the actual lyrics sung both times that the Sacred Cows sang on the show. Any other "extended lyrics" did not come from the episode broadcast and are NOT part of Get Smart lore.

 

The Little Black Book, Part I
Airdate: Saturday, Jan. 27, 1968, 8:30 PM
Writers: Jack Hanrahan and Phil Hahn
Director: James Komack
Carl's Rating: ***

Max's old army buddy Sid (Don Rickles) arrives in town unexpectedly and wants to go out on the town and find some women. He uses Max's little black book to arrange a double date. Unfortunately, it's not Max's book, it's a KAOS code book left at Max's apartment. When their dates show up, the girls turn out to be KAOS agents working for The Maestro, a KAOS assassin. Max captures the girls, but Sid refuses to believe Max is a spy and so he knocks out Max and lets the girls go, giving them the book. In order to get the book back, Max must take Sid to the office, introducing him to 99 and the Chief and making him a temporary CONTROL agent.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* This episode was written as one episode, however Rickles and Adams are real-life friends and their constant bantering sent the shooting into overtime and over budget. Luckily, the bantering between the two served as excellent material and the show was successfully made into two episodes using their ad-libs. If you get the DVDs, you can see a special section of the bloopers created by their byplay.
* We learn that the Chief only has three years until retirement.
* When Sid calls Max is reading the book Spy Stories That Never Grow Old.

  Catchphrases:
* "I asked you not to tell me that."

 

The Little Black Book, Part II
Airdate: Saturday, Feb. 3, 1968, 8:30 PM
Writers: Jack Hanrahan and Phil Hahn
Director: James Komack
Carl's Rating: ***

Max and Sid decide to go and battle the Maestro, but they get arrested for killing three KAOS agents. CONTROL gets Max out, but the only way to get Sid out of jail is for him to become a temporary CONTROL agent. They end up trapped in the Maestro's lair, facing the canon from the 1812 Overture.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* We learn that Max's father wouldn't talk to him and the only gift he ever gave Max was a pair of long pants to go to work in.
* Max's apartment's location changes again, this time to a city street.

Characters:
* Joey Forman, who played Harry Hoo, also plays a CONTROL lawyer in this episode.
* Ernest Borgnine has a cameo as an apartment dweller.
* Aunt Rose plays his wife.
 

  Catchphrases:
* "The old Maxwell Smart silhouette on the window shade trick."
* "The old three way gun trick."
* "The old gun in the maestro's baton trick."
* "The old KAOS killers dressed up like cops in order to fool CONTROL agent and old army buddy trick." - uttered by Rickles.
* "The old Pusan pattycake trick." - said by the desk sargeant.
* "The old false hands in the chain trick." - uttered by Rickles.
* "The old hacksaw in the belt buckle trick." - uttered by Rickles.
* "That's the second biggest silencer"
* "If he had only used his baton for goodness instead of evil."

 

  Don't Look Back
Airdate: Saturday, Feb. 10, 1968, 8:30 PM
Writers: Phil Leslie and Norman Paul
Director: Don Adams
Carl's Rating: ***

Max gets turned down for a $300 loan at his bank, causing him to get upset and vow to return. Later that day, the bank is robbed by a one-armed KAOS agent disguised as Max. Max quickly gets arrested, convicted, and sentenced to death. While being taken to prison, Max escapes from Sgt. Gronski. While evading the police, Max tries to find the one-armed man who committed the robbery and framed him.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* This is a pretty successful send-up of The Fugitive, which was enormously popular then.
* This is Alan Spencer's favorite episode and he constantly reminds me that I have it rated way too low. One thing we agree on is that it's clear from this episode that Don would have made a fabulous dramatic actor if given the opportunity.
* Max's speech to the jury is taken pretty much word for word from one of Don's stand-up routines.

Characters:
* Bob Karvelas is disguised as a member of the jury that convicts Max.
* Milton Berle has a guest shot as a clerk of a seedy motel.

  Catchphrases:
* "I asked you not to tell me that."

 

  99 Loses Control
Airdate: Saturday, Feb. 17, 1968, 8:30 PM
Writers: William Raynor and Myles Wilder
Director: Bruce Bilson
Carl's Rating: ***

This episode opens with Max asking 99 for a date. She turns him down, explaining that she's decided to leave CONTROL. She's going to marry casino owner Victor Royal, whom she met on her last vacation. Max, unable to control himself, goes to the island casino to convince 99 to return to CONTROL. After having a great deal of success playing the casino phone, Max saves Royal's life and then goes to work for Royal as his bodyguard. While examining the casino, Max discovers that not only is Royal a cheat and a liar, he's also a KAOS agent.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* In this episode, Victor Royal refers to 99 as Susan Hilton. While many trivia quizzes list this as 99's real name, at the end of the episode, 99 clearly states that Susan Hilton is a cover name and not her real name.
* I think this episode features some of the best acting from Adams and Feldon in the series. When 99 tells Max that she's leaving CONTROL and getting married to someone else you can actually see Max's heart breaking.

Characters:
* Aunt Rose is seen playing in Royal's casino
* Bob Hope appears in a cameo as a room service waiter.

  Catchphrases:
* "The old bulletproof cummerbund in the tuxedo trick."

 

  The Wax Max
Airdate: Saturday, Feb. 24, 1968, 8:30 PM
Writer: James Komack
Director: James Komack
Carl's Rating: *1/2

While attempting to show off for 99 at an amusement park's shooting gallery, Max complains that his poor shooting is caused by a defective gun. He then quotes Genghis Khan as saying, "a warped barrel is a fool's frustration," not knowing that this is a KAOS code phrase. Thinking Max to be a KAOS agent, the carny worker gives Max a kewpie doll, despite him wanting a lace pillow that says "mother." Max and 99 then enter the Tunnel of Love, though Max insists on separate boats because they're "just friends." They leave the tunnel to find the park empty of patrons and filled with KAOS assassins. KAOS is desperate to get the kewpie doll back because it contains the weekly plutonium drop. Max and 99 get captured in the Chamber of Horrors, where Waxman attempts to behead them and turn them into wax dummies.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* This is a parody of the Vincent Price classic, House of Wax.
* I think this has one of the lamest endings of any episode, which really brings down this episode's rating to me.

  Catchphrases:
* "I asked you not to tell me that."
* "The old inflatable head in the cloak trick."
* "If he had only used his wax for niceness instead of evil."

 

  Run, Robot, Run
Airdate: Saturday, March 2, 1968, 8:30 PM
Writer: C.F. L'Amoreaux
Director: Bruce Bilson
Carl's Rating: ***

Snead and Neal, of KAOS' CAD (Contrived Accident Division) disrupt an international track meet by injuring the U.S. players. In order to protect the three remaining healthy athletes, Hymie, Max and 99 take them to Max's apartment. Fortunately, Hymie is able to swallow the explosive Gibson and protect the athletes. Unfortunately, the next day CAD uses paralyzing gas in the lockers to disable the athletes. The only way to preserve our country's honor is for Hymie to enter the track meet and win the high jump, discus throw, and mile run.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* Another parody, this one of The Avengers, is right on the mark. In fact, as Sneed and Neal exit the stadium, Sneed has his bowler resting on top of his cane, which is the logo of The Avengers.
* The title of this episode is based on Run Buddy Run, a short-lived CBS comedy created by Leonard Stern.
* Max's speech to the athletes in the locker room is very similar to one of his stand-up routines.

Characters:
* This marks Hymie's fourth appearance.
* Aunt Rose is seen sitting at a bus stop when the discus Hymie throws ends up in the trash can next to her. She steals it.

  Catchphrases:
* "The old sleeping foot powder in the shoe trick."

 

  Operation Ridiculous
Airdate: Saturday, March 9, 1968
Writer: Norman Paul
Director: James Komack
Carl's Rating: ***

Weeknews Magazine sends Mr. Fitzmaurice and Miss Magruder to CONTROL in order to write a profile of the agency. A toupee-wearing chief sends Mr. Fitzmaurice to work with Max and Miss Magruder with 99, hoping a good story will mean more funds for the agency. However, KAOS becomes aware of the story and they set up booby-traps to make Max look inept and stupid. The story gets even worse when the foreign minister they're assigned to protect is drugged, despite extensive protection.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* The protection for the foreign minister is incredible and one of the great bits of Smartania. To get to the foreign minister you have to go through false door 822A, false room, false foreign minister, and a false window. That opens onto false corridor B, false elevator, false maid, and false room 822. That leads to false room A, false foreign minister B, and false window C. That opens onto false corridor C, false elevator 2, false maid B,  and false room 822B. In fact, it's an entirely false 8th floor!
* Max's apartment is back to its location on a suburban street

Characters:
* Aunt Rose is seen as a potential bathtub model
* Producer Burt Nodella appears as a photographer.
* Professor Steele makes her final appearance, destroying some of my best teenage fantasies.

  Catchphrases:
* "Sorry about that."
* "Would you believe..."
* "The old remote-controlled, self-propelled spinning doorknob trick." - thanks to David S. for spotting this!

 

  Spy, Spy, Birdie
Airdate: Sat., March 16, 1968, 8:30 PM
Writers: William Raynor and Myles Wilder
Director: James Komack
Carl's Rating: ***

Albert Pfitzer (the P is silent) appears at Max's apartment and asks Max to sign a petition against noise. Max refuses, saying "silence is un-American." Later that day, the CONTROL message drop is destroyed by a silent explosive. Max and 99 then stake out Siegfried's message drop, but it is blown up quietly too. Siegfried and Shtarker join Max and 99 as they track down Pfitzer and his fantastic quiet explosive, Nitrowhisperin. A great scene in this episode is Siegfried attempting to force a pigeon to return home to Pfitzer's house - "You have relatives living in the park, perhaps?"

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* The title is a parody of the Broadway musical Bye, Bye Birdie, which starred Dick Gautier.
* We learn that Siegfried's code name is Ludwig and his title is Vice President of Public Relations and Terror.

Characters:
* Siegfried and Shtarker

  Catchphrases:
* "The old long-playing, high frequency, ultrasonic, stereophonic, strike the match against the sounding board trick."
* "I asked you not to tell me that." - said by Siegfried

 

  The Hot Line
Airdate: Sat., March 23, 1968, 8:30 PM
Writers: Phil Hahn and Jack Hanrahan
Story by Red Benson
Director: Gary Nelson
Carl's Rating: **

While searching for the KAOS communications center, Max accidentally destroys a CONTROL communications center. The Chief is forced to report this failure to President Johnson, unaware that KAOS has tapped into his hot line. KAOS impersonates the president and orders Max to take over CONTROL, demoting the Chief. Max immediately takes The Chief's apartment and car, assigning him to find the communications center. The Chief, using his agent number, Q, infiltrates The Moustache Cup as a singing waiter. He discovers it's the location of the center and we discover what a fantastic singing voice Ed Platt possessed.

Characters:
* John Byner appears as KAOS Agent Gorshen, a take-off on fellow impersonator Frank Gorshin.
* Richard Yarmy, Don's brother, plays Brady. You can see him in the screen cap above, on the left.
* Aunt Rose can be seen buying bread.
* Regis Philbin has a bit part as a baker in this episode. He decided to "liven up" the shooting by tossing a pie at Don, but apparently the joke did not go over well at all.

 

  Die,Spy
Airdate: Sat., March 30, 1968, 8:30 PM
Teleplay: Phil Hahn and Jack Hanrahan
Story: Gerald Gardner and Dee Caruso
Director: Gary Nelson
Carl's Rating: ****

At the funeral of a double agent, someone attempts to kill the heads of both KAOS and CONTROL. Only one agency could be responsible, the new third spy network, ACB (Atrocities, Cruelties, Brutality). Its leader is Kubacheck, who is offering CONTROL agents the choice of joining his network or dying. Kubacheck's one weakness is an inability to get over a loss at ping pong to The Masked Marvel. Max goes undercover as the Marvel to smoke out Kubacheck, and he's accompanied by Samuels, a new CONTROL agent. In Istanbul, Samuels reveals himself as Kubacheck and he forces Max to play a game of ping pong with the winner getting to live.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* The ACB reference is for ABC, the third broadcast network (yes, there used to only be three), which finally was starting to pick up in the ratings.
* This episode is a brilliant parody of I Spy as Max plays Robert Culp and Samuels plays Bill Cosby beautifully.
* One of the pictures of Kubachek is that of Judy Lang, who played Mildred Spencer in Shipment to Beirut. Her mother was a casting director, which probably accounts for the appearance.

Characters:
* Robert Culp has an absolutely hysterical cameo as a waiter - "but me no buts, sir."

  Catchphrases:
* "The old chief in the brown beard and wig trick."
* "Would you believe..."

 

  The Reluctant Redhead
Airdate: Saturday, April 6, 1968, 8:30 PM
Writer: Leonard Stern
Director: James Komack
Carl's Rating: ***1/2

CONTROL wants to get The Krispin Papers, files that contain a list of KAOS informers and agents that is owned by Kinsey Krispin. Krispin will only exchange the files for his missing wife Amanda. CONTROL can't find Amanda, but they do find her look-alike in children's author Mimsi Sage. Max is assigned to convert mousy Mimsi into wild and crazy Amanda. They then trade her for the papers, only to find that Mimsi is actually Amanda and only masqueraded as Mimsi in order to get the papers for herself. The top-secret film of Max training Mimsi is a brilliant showcase for Leonard Stern's ability to write hysterical physical humor.

CONTROL Insider's Report:
* The scene where Mimsi slowly gets drunk is shown as a series of still images put to music in order to hide the fact that Director James Komack not only forgot to shoot any cutaway shots for that scene, but only shot her drinking one glass of champagne.

Characters:
* Cesar Romero guest stars as Krispin.

Season 1

Season 2

Season 4

Season 5

All of the screen captures on this page were taken from Time-Life/HBO's DVD release and are copyright HBO.

 

Copyright 1995-2006 Carl Birkmeyer
No portions of this episode guide can be reproduced or used on another web page without my explicit, written permission.


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